


La mort d'amour

by DownInTheGutter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Sam, Crack, Domestic Winchesters, Hospitals, M/M, Top Dean, dialogue only, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-19 17:20:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8218895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownInTheGutter/pseuds/DownInTheGutter
Summary: A wee crack drabble originally posted in two parts on my tumblr (I've got a tumblr, guys!) here andhereShoutout to spidermonkeysam for the sweetest message :)
Title is a French euphemism for dying during sex (no dying takes place in the fic, don't worry)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A wee crack drabble originally posted in two parts on my tumblr (I've got a tumblr, guys!) [here](http://beerdrinkerhellraiser.tumblr.com/post/150587343463/hospital-crack-drabble/) and  
> [here](http://beerdrinkerhellraiser.tumblr.com/post/150639788288/wee-hospital-drabble-part-2/)  
> Shoutout to spidermonkeysam for the sweetest message :)
> 
> Title is a French euphemism for dying during sex (no dying takes place in the fic, don't worry)

 

 

“Your brother has suffered from a cardiac arrest. Don’t worry, we’ve got him stabilized.”

 

“Thank God.”

 

“He will definitely pull through, but someone needs to monitor him for the next couple of weeks, to make sure his recovery is as swift and safe as possible. If your brother lives alone, you might need to hire a nurse to keep watch.”

 

“It’s fine, we live together.”

 

“Right. Can you tell me more about what happened?”

 

“He was, uhm, exercising and he was doing just fine, and then he just collapsed on top of, uh, the treadmill. I dragged him to the car and drove here as fast as I could.”

 

“So you were there when he collapsed?”

 

“We were exercising together. “

 

“I see. Must have been some rather strenuous exercise you were up to with your _brother_.”

 

“Why did you just say ‘brother’ in that weird tone?”

 

“I don’t know what are you talking about, Mr Winchester. As I was saying, your _brother_ …”

 

“You did that again.”

 

“All I’m saying is, it’s quite fortunate that you’ve said you’re brothers, since you wouldn’t be able to visit him if you were not, in fact, related.”

 

“What the hell are you implying?”

 

“All I want you to know is that you may want to lay off _exercising_ for a while. Heart attacks during sexual intercourse are not that uncommon in men over forty.”

 

“Oh, for the love of…”

 

***

 

“This is unbelievable…”

 

“Sam.”

 

“…how dare they make assumptions like that…”

 

“Sam.”

 

” This was so embarrassing…”

 

“Sam.”

 

“…completely unprofessional…”

 

“Sam. I’m fine. Look at me. I’m fine.”

 

“Okay. Okay.”

 

“What did you tell them happened, anyway?”

 

“That we were exercising.”

 

“That’s certainly one way to put it.”

 

“Dammit, Dean, this isn’t funny.”

 

“C'mon, it’s a little funny. I mean, I was doing you so hard I almost died.”

 

“That is nothing to be smug about, asshole.”

 

“Stroke a guy’s ego sometimes.”

 

“I’m not stroking your anything for a very long time. “

 

“Heh. Love it when you make sex jokes and you don’t even realize it.”

 

“A single more pun and I’m leaving your sorry ass in the hospital, Dean.”

 

“So they were weird about you saying we’re brothers. Why did you give her our real names, anyway? You’re a better liar than that.”

 

“I panicked, okay? I thought you were going to die. And Dean, no puns from now on, cause I swear…”

 

“At least I would have died doing what I love.”

 

“Don’t say it.”

 

“You.”

 

“You said it.”

 

“C’mon, Sammy, that was very romantic.”

 

***

 

“Dean, if you want to have sex ever again you will eat this salad.”

 

“Do you enjoy torturing me, Sam?”

 

“Your bad cholesterol level is way too high, and you just had a heart attack, so if you don’t start eating healthy I promise you we will never have sex again ever.”

 

“It’s called blackmail and it’s illegal. Thought you knew that, college boy.”

 

“Call it whatever you want, you are going to start eating healthier. And I went to college twenty years ago, jerk.”

 

“I can’t eat rabbit food.”

 

“Fine. But from now on, I can’t have sex with people that don’t eat healthy.”

 

“Sam. You’re evil.”

 

“Because I don’t want you to die in your forties?”

 

“Because you’re trying to make me eat green stuff.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a wee thing that popped into my head as a continuation, sorry it's not longer!

“Are you kidding me right now?”

 

“The doctor said I shouldn’t strain myself, Sammy. Bad for the heart and all.”

 

“So you’re just gonna lie down on your back and make me do all the work?”

 

“Do you want me to have another heart attack, Sam?”

 

“You started it, Dean. You were all like ‘let’s take it to the bedroom’.”

 

“I don’t get what your problem is. We are in my bedroom.”

 

“Yeah, and the first thing you did was flop down on the bed and put your arms behind your head. You didn’t even unzip your pants.”

 

“I believe what the doctor said was ‘refrain from strenuous activity’.”

 

“So you want me to ride your dick…”

 

“Yes.”

 

“…and you think it’s not going to be a strain on your heart.”

 

“Not if I just lie back, relax, and you take care of it.”

 

“You just want a chance to not do anything and still get off.”

 

“How heartless do you have to be to accuse me of that? I just had a _cardiac arrest_ , Sam.”

 

“I know.  I drove you to the hospital, dumbass. After you wanted to prove you can still fuck me like you’re twenty.”

 

“Sammy. We can keep on arguing, or you could get on to taking our clothes off.”

 

“I hate you so much right now.”


End file.
